The pain of not knowing what you want

To all lost creative and hustling souls, this is for you.

In this episode, I talk about something that has followed me for years—the feeling of not really knowing what I want. I reflect on a quote from Vicky Cristina Barcelona that I first heard as a teenager and that still feels painfully relevant today: the idea of chronic dissatisfaction and the constant search for something that finally feels right.

I share my own journey of trying to build something of my own and jumping from one idea to another—teaching English, creating dance workouts, filming cooking content, even planning a cookbook. Each of those paths started with excitement and the belief that this could be the thing, only to realize along the way that it wasn’t what I wanted long term.

I talk about the tension between experimenting and feeling like you’re wasting time, about how easy it is to confuse curiosity with purpose, and how hard it is to tell whether quitting means you’re being honest with yourself or just giving up too soon. Trying many things taught me what doesn’t fit—but it didn’t magically give me clarity.

This episode is also about the mental spiral of always wanting something else, even when life is objectively going well. I reflect on the idea that speed and experimentation might be better than endless overthinking, even if the process feels chaotic.

If you’ve ever started something with enthusiasm, questioned it halfway through, changed your mind ten times in a single day, and wondered whether you’re making progress or just going in circles—you’re not alone.

With love,
Monika