The Wedding Gift - Chapter 4 - Paulina

Harrison has a gambling problem. I had never told anyone, although people who spend a lot of time with him might‘ve already figured that out. My mother once told me that she had a soft spot for dating difficult men who required a firm hand until she met my father, who seemed to be on top of everything since day one. I took after her in that way. Except that I decided to actually marry a difficult man.

Before Harrison took off for Amsterdam, I made him leave his credit cards at home and take only one debit card with a reasonable balance. When he came back, I didn’t pry into the details of his trip, just like he didn’t ask about my trip. He assured me that he didn’t lose any money to gambling, and that was all I needed to know.

I, too, have nothing to hide. Nothing happened at my bachelorette party that I could be ashamed of. Together with Harrison, we came to the conclusion that none of that mattered because, in a way, we were starting from scratch. We were starting with a clean slate and promised each other that moving forward, we would try our best to maintain a happy and healthy relationship.

Being married also meant a joint account, which meant no more undocumented money withdrawals. Everything would be under control. I’m sure it’s going to benefit both of us. With mild supervision, Harrison’s addiction is going to be cured over time, and I’ll finally stop losing sleep over it.  

My husband’s addiction started about three years ago when he accepted a job offer that simply overwhelmed him and made him want to take on hobbies that, as he said, would help him take his mind off work. That included watching and betting on various sports with two of his friends. They used to put their money on anything and everything including soccer, horse back riding, boxing, as well  as other sports, whose names I can’t even remember. Then Harrison got into playing poker. He was trying virtually anything that could potentially make him money fast so he could quit his day job.

It started off innocently, but now I’m not even sure how much of his salary is spent on these so-called hobbies. I promised myself that I wouldn’t complain and keep him under surveillance as long as he had enough money to pay his half of the bills, groceries and rent. But him saying I do has led to his money becoming our money. And I’ll make sure he doesn’t forget it.

As a wife, I took it upon myself to help him. Some might say it’s too late, but I believe otherwise. People grow and learn throughout their lives. We don’t commit to a relationship and feel superior about ourselves whenever our partner is struggling. It’s not a competition.

About his anger issues . . . First off, it was only this one time. And second, well. . . There is no reasonable justification for his actions. Yes, it was his wedding, yes, he was drunk, and yes, he lost one million euros, but that doesn’t mean that he could’ve done whatever he wanted. We are not animals, ruled by our instinct. His brain didn’t seem to be working properly that day. Neither did Conor’s. Even though he wasn’t the first to attack, he shouldn’t have acted out like that. If you saw my husband’s puffy face, you would know what I mean.

It’s funny how even the smallest decision can turn everything upside down. Well, maybe funny isn’t the right word—people actually got hurt. And honestly, this whole mess was partly my fault too.